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My big, fat,
cheap wedding
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Don't let that simple, charming backyard event
transform itself into a snarling, cash-sucking
monster. Here are my secrets: how I've cut
$15,000 in expenses for the big day.
By MP Dunleavey
There are 43 days
until my wedding and I'm already $900 over
budget. This blows a serious hole in my plan to
have the cheapest wedding on earth. Now I have
to call the Guinness Book of World Records and
tell them they can't take my photo after all.
For all of you who are getting married soon --
that's about 2.5 million of you this year -- I
know you feel my pain. Even if you personally
weren't attempting to scale the nuptial
equivalent of Mt. Everest by having the cheapest
wedding on earth, you are probably doing your
best not to rack up outrageous wedding expenses.
Which, believe me, only takes drifting off for
two seconds at the caterer.
"So we'll do the prime rib puff pastry petit
fours?"
"Um, sure . . ."
It's the small hors d'oeuvres that getcha. Who
knew you could spend $15,000 on Vietnamese
spring rolls?
No more nodding off
Alas, vigilance is the price you pay if you want
a truly frugal wedding. Because despite various
allegedly "discount" bridal Web sites and other
resources that help you plan your budget (see
links at left), no one wants you to have
a cheap wedding. I typed "How to have a cheap
wedding" into AskJeeves.com and Jeeves just
laughed at me.
No wonder. According to the Association of
Bridal Consultants, the average cost of a
wedding is about $20,000, and the vast and
powerful wedding industrial complex brings in
about $120 billion a year. That includes the
reception, the attendants, the rings, flowers,
wedding favors, mints, etc. It also includes
some of the set-up costs related to the new
marriage. Did you know newlyweds spend about $12
billion on new cars and other automotive
expenses? I can't imagine: His and Hers SUVs?
Of course, you can opt out of most of those
ridiculous expenses, which is what I tried to
do, inspired by my wallet and an MSN Money
colleague (have a gander at Jennifer Mulrean's
column, "Tie the knot without busting your
budget"). Still, I made a few mistakes, mainly
because I made some assumptions -- which were
wrong. For example, I thought having an outdoor
wedding would be the cheapest option. Why?
Because my back yard costs a lot less than a
hotel or hall. But alas, my back yard doesn't
come equipped with tables, chairs or ice buckets
to chill the cheap beer we're having instead of
champagne. In fact, Eileen Monaghan, vice
president of the consultants' association, said
that outdoor weddings typically run about 10%
more than indoor weddings.
Well, now that we're paying $983 (and counting)
to make sure we have the right number of
teaspoons and napkins and water glasses, I've
figured that out.
As Jane Parmel, a wedding consultant in
Brooklyn, NY reminded me, "You can't think of
everything because you don't plan a wedding
every day. But we do."
My cost-cutting
secrets
That said, my wedding is only going to cost a
quarter of the national average. Could I have
done it even cheaper? Yes, if I eloped or went
to a Justice of the Peace. But . . . I'm 37. I'm
my parents' only daughter. They've been waiting
since my birth for me to get married already,
and I'm not about to pass up my only chance to
wear a dumb gown.
It's just too bad that wedding costs only seem
to happen in extremes. Either you go to the JP
and eat a celebratory meal of hot dogs afterward
(my friend Laurie did this). or you have to
shell out a few thou.
But a few thousand doesn't have to mean $20K. So
here's how I managed to cut $15,000 worth of
potential wedding expenses out of the picture.
1) Give up The Dream.
My dream wedding would be to invite everyone
I've known since childhood and have a fabulous
overnight at The Ahwahnee lodge in Yosemite. Or
fly to Greece. But if you want to have a cheap
wedding, you have to banish those Cinderella
fantasies (and so does he). Now: Start thinking
what a cheap wedding would look like. Not tacky.
Not Motel 6. But cheap. My fianc and I started
with the idea of having a picnic, and that
helped to shape the New, Improved,
Frugal-But-Fabulous Wedding Vision.
2) Invite no one.
This is hard. Your mother will cry. His father
will insist that cousin so-and-so be included.
Your friends will assume that other friends are
invited and invite them on your behalf. This
happened to me, so I know. But because the
reception (i.e. feeding all those folks)
accounts for about 50% of your budget, if you
want to slash costs you can either have a
potluck -- my friend Val did -- or you can
invite fewer guests. My fiance's family is
small, but my Irish-Catholic one is anything
but. Still, we've kept the guest list down to
about 48 people.
Hint: You think this might involve offending
everyone, but let me tell you my big, fat, cheap
wedding insight. Unless you're 22, your friends
and family are sick of weddings. They will be
relieved when you tell them, lovingly, that
they're not invited. And most people will
understand. I flew across the country for one
old and dear friend's wedding -- so it was
especially hard to tell her she wasn't invited.
Luckily, like most brides, she remembers the
terrors and tradeoffs of trying to make The Big
Day one you will always remember -- yet can
still afford.
3) Don't make your own invitations
Unless you're a computer genius, get a discount
stationer to make your invites. I wish we had.
Instead, my fianc and I thought it would be
cheaper to make our own. Maybe it was, but all I
remember about those three horrible days was
that finding clear labels that worked with my
printer was a nightmare. And I cried a lot.
Bottom line: The stress and time were not worth
the $25 we saved over a professional invite.
Which we lost anyway when we took those
overweight, non-standard size envelopes to the
post office and forked over the extra postage.
4) Have a hiring freeze
Musicians, photographers, flower arrangers, a
babysitter for the flower girl -- there is no
end to the wedding personnel you can hire. So
don't. There are many ways to improvise. Get a
friend to take photos. Ask your sister-in-law to
arrange the flowers (thanks, Deirdre!). Offer
student, semi-professional musicians or DJs "a
chance to gig" -- or ask friends and family to
make CD compilations and assign someone to press
"Play" on the 10-CD changer.
5) Consider a wedding consultant
Since a cheap wedding is, by definition, a
couple-organized event, you might want to
consider calling in a wedding planner at some
point to make sure your bases are covered.
Wouldn't this qualify as a ridiculous
indulgence, you ask? It's all in how you want to
spend your money -- and your time. I called a
couple of bridal consultants for the simple
reason that the details are getting so
overwhelming, I thought it might be worth a few
hundred bucks to have someone manage the
minutiae so I can actually get some work done.
Of course the first one I called had a flat fee
of $7,500. Choke. Gasp. But the next one offered
me an hourly rate to pinch hit for these last 43
days, and estimated the total cost might be
around $700.
Considering that I've already spent more than I
planned, according to the budget planner on
www.theknot.com (see link at left), I probably
won't hire one. But if I keep having to make all
these heavy withdrawals on my peace of mind,
maybe I'll rethink the cost-benefit analysis.
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